Moving...forward? More like marching in place.  I gave myself some extra grace in what I allowed myself to eat following the recent miscarriage and as a result went back up a couple pounds. Nothing extreme, but up enough that I am now re losing weight I already lost. My body has not cycled in a clearcut way either, so I am a little uncertain of where I should be. I have been minding other people's children often enough that I feel like the days are a bit blurry due to being exhausted and monotonous.
   On the other hand I have planned and purchased most of the new school year curriculum! Yay! I can hardly believe how close I am to graduating my first, and how fast it will go after that.
   Our garden is a little smaller this year, but growing nicely.
    The animals are doing wonderfully. We have Frogger separated from the girls, so we can control the kidding season a little better next year. The chicks are out in the coop in a birdcage, soon to be allowed free. Our girl bunnies need a male to give them some lovin. ;) The pond regained a bit of water this week, after going completely dry. This drought has been hard.(understatement)
    We went and signed up for the library's summer reading program today. They had face painting, sidewalk chalk and bubbles, and play-do and coloring pages. The younger ones and my 8 year old nephew loved it.The teens and Logan were indifferent. So odd to see them growing up like that. They found tucked away chairs and dove into their books. Gavin was happy to learn that audio books count(he has profound learning disabilities so this is the first year he is excited to do the program).

  With much sadness I lost this pregnancy this week. I was seven weeks, and so filled with hope and desire. I am very thankful, though, that physically it has not been nearly as hard as my last loss(which was 3 years ago,also during Lent). I have not hemorrhaged, and because of this chance to compare I now realize how bad last time really was.  I have placenta pills left from Lucian's birth and they have helped balance me out so well. I was very weepy on Sunday and after taking two a day since then I have been much more even and able to see things without feeling so depressed.
   We have finished with our kidding season now. On Thursday I looked out the back window and saw a little red goat laying at the back fenceline. Then I saw a big red goat laying next to it. We only had one red goat! I ran out and sure enough Calhoun had a red buck on the ground, all fluffy and adorable. My heart sank a little as I spotted a second baby laying lifeless in the dirt, a gorgeous red/paint buck. I picked him up and he was cold,but breathing. I toweled him vigorously, and squirted some colostrum in him, but he wasn't really perking up. I brought him in the house and blow dryed him until he was warm and he started doing much better.  We gave him colostrum from his mama, bu he couldn't suckle. Long story short...we bottle fed him and cosseted him for three days,but he died. I feel rather guilty for even interfering in some ways, as though I prolonged his death, but at the same time I would do it again because he had a 50-50 shot of making it. His brother is doing wonderfully, strong and growing. That same day Vanellope had twin bucks(I was out there for this one). Her boys are both traditional red head white body Boers, and are hearty and big.  I thought we were good for a month or so, I could swear Seamus wasn't bred until later, but she had twin bucks yesterday! I looked out the window in the morning after they had been fed and she was laying apart from everyone else. I knew what that meant, and booked it outdoors in time to clean baby 1 and a few minutes later help her with a malpositioned(minorly) baby two. The first one got her wattles, the second is traditional, both big and healthy. While I was marveling at all our gorgeous babies I noticed one of the triplets is in fact a boy...I think I must have checked one girl twice!!! So we now have 8 bucks and 2 does that made it this year, 16 goats all together.
   Lucian is turning two tomorrow. I am not sure what we will do...normally we go to the zoo on Fridays but to be honest I don't feel up to it. My sister is having voluntary surgery so I will have both my nephews all weekend.

Spring time! I love it!!!
   Things are turning green outside. The white and purple buds on the trees light up the background. Our pear trees have a new little companion, we planted a nectarine tree between them. It is self pollinating, so we only need the one, but I would love to get another next year just because they are so pretty! Also, I love nectarines. ;)
    The five wee goatlings are adorable and energetic. The two boys are super sweet and friendly, while the three girls like to play together and ignore people. There are two more does who should be kidding soon(the next two weeks?) and one more who I believe has two months to go.
   And...my bit of happy Me news...I am pregnant! I tested positive on day10, and have tested throughout, pleased to see darkening lines! It is really real! I am 5 weeks now, due the beginning of December. I am so hopeful, so excited. I am trying so hard not to worry, or think of how devastated I was with the miscarriages, because I don't want it to go that way. I have not had any November or December births yet :D so that will be fun. I am still doing Trim Healthy Mama as a way of eating, so hopefully I will have a decently controlled weight gain this time around. I am starting 20+pounds heavier than I ever have before. :/  Squeal...so excited!
    I have been watching my nephew full time(he arrives Sunday night and stays until Friday night) and my whole system is skewed. I am trying to get back on track, reorganize and come up with some new ideas. Having two one(almost two) year olds is tricky!!! They do not play well at all together.

I can't believe it has been almost a year since I blogged. :(  I just lost my mojo...but it is spring and I feel good so I'm back!
   So much has changed, while still being basically the same. The kids are all doing well. Trinity is weeks away from getting her license...a somewhat daunting idea, but she drives very well. Christian has a new little dog who adores him, and he feels very much the same. Her name is Gizmo.She is the first small dog to be a part of the family and she is sweet and so good for Christian to have. She sleeps with him, he bought her a jacket. He works now with a paintball company, so he has money and I think she is the only one he has spent it on! He is fantastic at saving. Gavin has been seen, and diagnosed officially. We are in the process of finding some curriculum that really suits him, and rethinking what will best help him on his learning road. Logan is really blooming and coming out of his shyness. He is such a clown! He will be joining the youth group this fall, that seems so odd. Griffon is doing really well in all he endeavors to...he loves to draw and write and is addicted to Minecraft. Jubilee had a thumbsucking deterrent put in her mouth, and will have that in until July. I am glad she will be over that, although she has a hard time talking with it in. She is going in for a diagnosis as well. :/ I guess it is not that unusual for multiple children to have issues, but it is hard!!! to go in for so many kids! I feel like I contributed faulty genes, irrational though it sounds. I am working through it, and the kids are really all thriving so it is more of a mental block. Epiphany is an amazing girlie. She is 4 now, and so smart, funny, and vivacious. Her long brown curls stretch down her back and she picks out the funniest outfits for herself. Lucian is 22 months and such a sweet boy to those of us he knows. He tends to growl at strangers, which is funny but completely not ok, so I choke back the giggles and try nto teach him to be a nice kid lol. He has a heart melting smile(even with the big chip from his front tooth >:{  ) and is quite the mischievous boy .
         We had triplet does born yesterday, 3 weeks to the day after a set of Strong bucklings! We already have more kids than last year, and still have three does to go!!!The bucks are so handsome.

Here are the twins meeting the rest of the herd.

Here are the triplet doelings right after they were born. When the first one was born I immediately knew it would be triplets because she was a bit small for how big mama was, and sure enough there were two more not long after. Both times the mamas had good straightforward births that I was able to be at and all the babies have been healthy(Praise God!).
   We have a few chicks and keets in my room to squee over until May when we will get our Murray McMurray order of 50 birds.

The kids on a recent zoo trip.

Lucian is 1! What a whirlwind year it was, and how absolutely bittersweet that he is already this big. He walks, climbs, plays, laughs, points, eats as a toddler now. He is everyone's favorite, and he loves everyone.
   Ms.Pacman had twin doelings. One red little girl and one traditional redhead,white body big girl. It was a tricky delivery, and I had to glove up, go in, and assist her. I was so aware of each second ticking by as I tried to straighten bent legs and sort out which baby was going to be born first. Thankfully all went beautifully and both were/are healthy,big,and strong. Mama nurses them like a champ and they are frolicking with the herd now. Metroid is due in the next couple weeks with her first, and I am praying for a delivery that is even easier, with equally strong and healthy babes!
   We got two little doe bunnies! They are so small and sweet. I have been watching Craigslist to get the breed we wanted at a smaller than show bunny price. I saw this ad and jumped on it, and a good thing too. The man sold out within the hour!
   Pippi has the next birthday, on May 2nd. She will be 4...I don't know how these years keep going on so quickly. We may be in MI for her birthday, or soon thereafter. Brian had some legal issues to resolve from 18 years ago. We hired a great lawyer and did a lot of footwork to get things ready for a trip up in August to make this all right. His lawyer called on Tuesday and said they are dismissing all charges!!! Praise the Lord!!! All we have to do now is go get some court papers filled out and it is done. We are still going to take our vacation in August, but will be popping up really quick to get this finalized in good time. I am so happy,excited,and relieved. I also LOVE road trips and am very excited to be going "home" if only for a day.
  I can't load pics today...gonna have to figure that out.

Totoro had 5 healthy kittens. 3 are striped and 2 black, I have not even attempted to look at gender. After the sorrow of her first litter and the one that was not meant to live I am thrilled that they are so big and strong! I am also wishing she had only had 3 strong healthy kittens lol...less to find homes for. Griffon had his extra allergy testing and he is most allergic to dogs, but has strong allergies to cats as well.So does Gavin. I am sure a couple more do, those are the only two I know for sure.So we need to find homes for these cute little ones while they are cute and little. We thought we would get all the male cats fixed first but Totoro got out and we soon saw the folly in that plan.
   I am watching Ms.Pacman closely. She is our Boer female and seems close to kidding. I am only able to go off what I have found online...not my favorite way to do this but it works. Her tail ligaments are almost gone and the angle of her tail is different than normal.Her teats have grown and are filling in, though being a first time momma she is not too full. She is very affectionate. So we wait. I am pretty sure Metroid is pregnant too, maybe a few weeks behind. Frogger seems qute proud of himself. :)  I had to move the llama from their pen as he was not acting as much like a guardian as he was a Frat boy jerk!Always bullying Frogger, and acting as though the girls were "his" even when they wanted nothing to do with him. He is back in with the donkey, who does not put up with his brash ways.
   I am re doing Trinity's bedroom. Her floor is the paper bag method I did in our living room, minus the darker dye. It looks great, although I ran out of brown paper 3/4 of the way through and will have to wait until tomorrow to get some more. I painted her walls purple and added glitter to one wall. I want to put the large bunk bed set in there, leaving the bottom without the bed and creating a loft with it. Ikea inspired basically. I hope for her birthday I can get her one of the cool lamps they sell.
   My sister is bringing me home a lamswool for Lucian from Ikea. I have always wanted one and she mentioned she was going so I excitedly asked for it.I can't wait for him to have a special,soft play place. I will put a basket with his bean bags and playsilks next to the rug...even the idea makes me smile.
    I took a lasagna and some cookies to a family that just had a baby in our church. Christian(13) came with me(as did Jubilee,Pippi,and Luke, but they fell asleep) and we got lost in the back country onthe way home. We had such good conversation!I asked him if he had any ideas  of what he wants to do career wise that we could start learning about. He said he doesn't but he has some life goals.(We are having him tested for OCD,dyselxia, and possible autistic spectrum disorders). He would like to make Lembas bread that tastes good so he can feed the poor all over the world. Tears came to my eyes...he has a heart of gold. He also wants to have children and teach them to love God and people...I do not ever brainwash my kids, but to know that they enjoy the life they are living, to know that they like it enough to want to pass it on makes my heart swell.
   One of my due date clubs was discussing growing up, parenting, and how the way we were raised affects the way we are striving to raise our children. It was wonderful to read so many positive stories and see so many people who had good role models. I was sad to see a couple that also had less than stellar times. I can't discuss this with my siblings, because they are loyal to a fault and think it means I don't/didn't love my mom and dad if I say I hate the way we were raised. We all turned out pretty good :D , but I postulate that this was mostly despite how we were raised, not because of it. For the first sixteen years any memory of my parenst involves physical abuse, yelling, screaming, fear. My sister was so mouthy and I was so protective...she would stand there and talk back and get hit so very much and I had an ulcer from worrying about her. I would cry and plead to take her "spankings" for her, I threatened to call the police once and had my fingers bent until they broke, and was told to try to dial now. I remember seeing her kicked in the stomach and screaming at my dad to stop and running as he came after me.Then my mom told me to go back to him and accept my punishment for being disrespectful. After the divorce things got better between my mother and I. I think a lot of that is because I snapped and stopped caring about being a good girl anymore. She had to talk to me like an adult, hitting didn't work anymore. My dad didn't get that memo, and even at 16 I had to hide black eyes from my friends. I started running away and we reconciled after I got married. I loved my parents, and to them they were less violent then how they had been raised. My dad told me of some of the punishments he had endured and it broke my heart. I am not only not spanking/hitting my kids, I am teaching them that they are worthy of respect and that they should love and respect their children enough to ensure that no one hits them, even in the name of teaching. There are other ways to teach. Oh...I could go on and on...I have studied and taught myself  creative ways to discipline. I have looked into gentle Christian parenting...knowing there had to be others who did not equate having a relationship with Christ to using a rod on children.(There are great resources out there!)

These wonderful babies are worth it!!!  

We found the Dalek from the Christmas parade in Tulsa, to the extreme delight of our Whovian children. It definitely amuses me that they like Dr.Who, and I have to be careful who is watching as some are more sensitive to scary stuff than others, but this was just fun. Logan does a creepy good ,"Exterminate" impression.

The blackberry,strawberry,pomegranite,raspberry,blueberry mead is in the last fermentor now and will be ready for bottling in a week or two.(This pic is the secondary fermentor). The last batch was easily the best stuff Brian has brewed. He wanted to do a lambic this time but the one he was going to do is out of production so he went with a mead. I am glad for it.

We have picked up a couple gingerbread sets on clearance and the children have had a blast decorating them. Jubilee and Pippi have especially enjoyed playing with their Lalaloopsy minis in the gingerbread train.

Lucian is about to be 9 months! He loves to suck is lip, blow raspberries, and "sing". He is taking four steps at a time,consistantly now, and is really just the most joyous baby! He has a fever today and is still happy and gurgling, despite radiating heat. I am nursing him as much as possible and just holding him to keep him from overdoing it. His resperations seem a bit labored too. I despise cold and flu season. Pippi was vomiting a few days ago, but no one else seems to have picked it up. We did miss church just to be on the safe side...this week seems all out of order now.

Today I am continuing my quest to reduce stuff in the house. We are moving the parrot cage that we house chicks in out to the henhouse. We can heat it just as well out there and that will free up a lot of laundry room floor space! I want to get rid of half the furniture in the house too. Especially the couches, which are really not suitable for our family.